I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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