I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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