so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
