you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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