after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
