The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
