god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm jealous of your bromance
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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