he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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