It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
