Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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