oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
