my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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