in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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