hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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