he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
