I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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