Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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