she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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