I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
