You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
