I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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