remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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