My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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