Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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