People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Two words: nipple clamps
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