She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
