He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
