So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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