She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
