That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found puke in my bra..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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