youre lurking in front of me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
