She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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