i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
