i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize