I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
