So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
