Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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