so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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