i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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