I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
