i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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