I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
