Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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