he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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