Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
of course. lets lasso hookers.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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