if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
