and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
