I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
