just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
