It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
