nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
