Sorry, I don't speak sober.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
