This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He passed out mid-signature
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
