So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
