God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
