You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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