i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize