are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
