you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
