Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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