What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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