hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
