bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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