covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
