Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
