Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
