If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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