So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
MIDGETS
????
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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