Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Enjoy the penises
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
