brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
