My brain says no but my pants say off.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
