Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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