ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
