His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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