Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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