ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
