the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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