I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
