Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
