He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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