he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
