Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
