you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
