we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
