I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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