you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
