drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
