More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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