I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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