i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
please come you make the beer taste better
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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