Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
