I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize