she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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