apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
